Tag Archive | cake

Stupid. Freakin’. Bread.

Right. So. By now you know the seething hatred between me and bread. Or you only have to look back some posts to figure it out. And here I am again. Trying to make it work.

You can’t say I’m not putting my part into this relationship!

I ran out of bread, store bought, and I didn’t feel like running to the store. The Texan also loves Hawaiian bread, and I had the ingredients for it. Stupid bread. I figured it’d do just fine as a PB&J sandwich bread.

So I held my breath and tried not to cuss too much. I grabbed out the ingredients. And I started. Again.

You’d think I would learn.

So, add the water and the butter to the stupid bread machine.

Now add the stupid cake mix. This is supposed to be what makes hawaiian bread different. Whatever. Stupid bread.

Now add the stupid flour. And the stupid yeast. In a stupid well inside the middle of said stupid flour mix.

I set the stupid bread machine to light crust and walked away.

I didn’t peak. I swear. I swear I swear I swear.

I walked away and did other things so I didn’t go mad.

And THIS, dear readers, is what I get!

Are you F*@(ING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? What is THAT? It caved in?

This is the part where I normally curse a lot, complain, tell you that God hates me and try to figure out what happened.

I’m not doing that today. I’m on FREAKIN STRIKE!


I don’t care. They’re gonna eat it anyway and LIKE IT!


Nekkid Brownies

I’ve got to admit I’m a little obsessed by Pioneer Woman’s recipes. It’s probably because I’m diabetic and my poor little beta cells can’t take most of her recipes. But she’s very unafraid to kill ya with her recipes. I love it.

Every time I make one of her recipes, or most of the time, they are near gone within a day. That’s not to say I haven’t been disappointed with some of her stuff, but most of it is pretty damn good. And I’ve NEVER had an “ew that’s gross” experience with her stuff, just some “not as good as it looked” kind of stuff. Yet, I have to say most of her recipes are EXCELLENT, way higher a “damn that’s good percentage” than other recipe touters out there!

So I saw the recipe on her site for Knock You Naked Brownies. In the spirit of not stepping on any toes, I’m not going to actually post the recipe here but tell you to look it up right now. Just search Pioneer Woman Knock You Naked Brownies. You’ll find it.

So, first I greased up a pan. It says use a 9×9, I used an 8×8 cause that’s what I had. IMPROVISE DAMNIT!

Then I used my handy dandy food processor to chop up the nuts

Then it’s time to melt the butter

And don’t forget some of the evaporated milk

This recipe cheats a little and asks you to use cake mix. So here’s the one I used.

Now you are to mix the milk, butter, nuts and cake mix together to form a thick batter. In go the nuts and mix.

Then the milk

Then the butter

Now mix the ever living hell out of it. Actually, you don’t want to over mix, it’s just VERY stiff in the beginning, but it ends up more pliable.

And eventually you get this. Well it still needs more mixed but you get the picture. (HERP! unintended pun…I’m a dork…anyway)

Now you’ve got to press half of this into the pan and bake it for a bit.

While it’s baking, I decided to melt the caramels. I use a double boiler for this because I hate doing anything in the microwave. So, first the rest of the evaporated milk

Then the caramels on the stove in the double boiler

That’s right, you have to unwrap every damn one of them. Don’t worry, it’s worth it. Now pour the milk in with the caramels and set it to meltin’!

And it’ll turn into a gooey stick smooth beautiful mess. *drool*

Once your caramels are melted and the brownie thingee is cooked, you want to pour the caramel over the brownie thingee. That’s right, I have a skull spoon rest. Wanna fight about it?

Now you are gonna measure out some chocolate chips. I used semi sweet minis.Pour those on top.

Now comes the hard part. She says to go ahead and roll out the rest of the brownie dough on a surface and place it on top. Yeah. I couldn’t do that. My brownie dough was way too moist for that. So I just kind of flattened it in my hands and plopped it on top. Worked fine.

Now pop that puppy back in the oven and out comes this:

Now, that doesn’t look too impressive. HOWEVER, the middle is a beautiful sticky caramel chocolately goo of a mess and it’s beautiful. I stuck mine in the freezer to let it cool because otherwise it takes hours and hours and hours for it to cool, and there was no way the vultures in this house were going to wait that long without holding a gun to my head and demanding their caramel brownie goodness.

I sifted some powdered sugar on top when it was cool and served it up. It was GOOD don’t get me wrong, but it wasn’t amazing to me. That could very well be because I’m not longer acclimated to the super sweet american diet thing (stupid diabetes) but it was GOOD. Really good. It kind of reminded me of a turtle brownie, though it wasn’t as sweet as I expected since there is no frosting, so that was definitely a good thing. Everyone else however thought it was amazing. My BFF came walking over here just to have one when she heard I was making them. They didn’t last over night.

They are a new request in this house, so it’s totally worth trying. Especially if you’re body doesn’t send you into a coma at the sight of sugar!

Pioneer Woman’s UNREAL Nantucket Cranberry Pie

Very, very few times have I ever made a recipe and gone HOLY CRAP! Maybe it’s because I’m used to eating a primal style diet, so whenever I go “HOLY CRAP” about something it’s an apple, or a steak, or something that runs or grows.

I’m diabetic, so I have a serious limit on anything processed. I’m also a huge fan of Pioneer Woman. If you don’t know who she is, go look her up. She has amazing recipes.

There’s a little app on my IPad that lets me custom import recipes. So I was browsing through her site one day and came across Cranberry Pie. Interesting, I thought, especially since the recipe had no crust whatsoever. No pie crust I mean. It confused me. I asked a fellow PW fan about it, to see if she had made it, because we were both confused about the lack of crust. But ok, I thought, challenge accepted.

I like cranberries. I do. They aren’t my favorite, they are so dry. Most of the time I’ll take something strawberry over something cranberry but it’s the holidays and hell, it’s worth a shot. The recipe seemed fairly easy, which is why I didn’t really take pictures of me making it (sorry!).

As I was making it I was going “this is far too easy.” I expected it would come out “meh” or “good enough.” I was wrong.

This freakin pie made me go “HOLY CRAP.”

There is no way to describe it really except that it’s the perfect blend of sweet and tart. It’s just damn good. Good enough that I had an entire piece of it. A big ole my-vision-is-going-blurry-and-I’m-feeling-hyper-and-boy-do-I-know-the-come-down-from-this-is-gonna-be-hell-but-it’ll-be-worth-it blood sugar sky rocketing diabetic coma inducing piece. And it was worth it.

This recipe reminded me SO MUCH of a cake/pie type thing my Polish grandmother used to make with blueberries. I wouldn’t say it’s a dead ringer, but it’s damn close.

Here’s a pic of the pie half prepared:

Half of that is batter, the white stuff is pure sugar. Sugar. SUGAR I TELL YOU! And more sugar goes on top. But that’s what I love about her, she’s not afraid to half kill you in her recipes.

Here’s a pic of it done:

Yup, that’s more sugar.

This baby was GONE in a flash, didn’t even take a full night. Tex told me it was good with chocolate peppermint ice cream on top, but he’s weird, and I think that sounds gross. I didn’t even try it. But between 3 people, with me only having 1 piece, that bad boy scarce lasted 8 hours in my house.

It’s a new favorite. It’s a new holiday pie, it’s a new “ya’ll done good here’s a treat” pie and it’s one of my favorite sweet desserts now. That says A LOT for me because I generally, for all that I like to cook, tend to like eat simple things. Berries and cream are like top 5 on my list, simple and delicious. So you know it’s gotta be DAMN good for me to say that.

It’s orgasmic. Try it.


From thepioneerwoman.com site. This is HER recipe not mine, and it’s GOD like. Apparently it’s adapted from a recipe by Laurie Colwin.


butter for greasing

2 heaping cups of cranberries (I used thawed frozen, hers doesn’t specify)

3/4 cup pecans, chopped (measure, then chop)

2/3 cup sugar

1 cup flour

1 cup sugar

1 stick unsalted butter, melted

2 whole eggs lightly beaten

1 tsp pure almond extract

1/4 tsp salt

1 T sugar for sprinkling

Preheat oven to 350.

Generously butter a cake pan or pie pan.  Add cranberries to the bottom of the pan. Sprinkle on chopped pecans, then sprinkle on the 2/3 cup of sugar.

In a mixing bowl, combine flour, 1 cup sugar, melted butter, eggs, almond extract, and salt. Stir gently to combine.

Pour batter slowly over the top in large ribbons to cover the surface evenly. Spread gently if necessary.

Bake 45-50 minutes. 5 minutes before removing from oven, sprinkle surface with 1 TB sugar for extra crunch.

Cut into wedges and serve with ice cream or freshly whipped cream.